Opps

How do I cook thee my fresh, skinless, boneless chicken? Fried, baked...oh yea how about by fire!

No not on grill In the microwave!
And when it caught on fire I yanked the food out with tongs which promptly heated up and I dropped the flaming food on a rug which....well then it caught on fire too.
The rug melted.
The microwave smells of burnt plate and food.
Luckily it's birthday time and I wished for a new microwave (do they have any with a remote?)

This is not a solo problem.
My children knew dinner was ready when the smoke alarm went off.
In junior high (or middle school as it is called now) I set a gas oven on fire along with the cookies
I worked at Zayres for a while but was relegated to the popcorn counter after flipping hamburgers off the grill on to the floor.

Also, there was a sewing class. It isn't pretty when your fingers get sewn to the shirt you're trying to make. The blood doesn't wash out.
I found a nice dress pattern and great material for the dress...but I gave up on the third sleeve

I have an electric personality....almost anything I touch creates static and I get shocked. Vacuum, water fountain, grocery carts, door knobs, even people. My watch won't run when I wear it but runs fine on the table. As I was inserting my trunk key about 4 inches from the lock an arc of light flashed between the lock and the key. Don't even think about a toaster.

If you need a brick wall or an access database call me. I'll be at Applebees, or Olive Garden, or Taco Bell etc....